Rasyiqah Hassan

Archive for the ‘personal opinion’ Category

Wolf

Posted on: November 6, 2017


Hello.

I am not being able to write much cause I’ve been cooping with extra workload for the past few month. Working Life is taking my head and spirit. But after all, Alhamdulillah to all the rezeki of having something to work on cause I realized how fortunate I am compared to thousand of human beings out there who may still be looking for a perfect job. I wish you all well and inshaAllah all went well.

I was having some difficulties dealing with my own self and thoughts since early of this year. and I want to share something about loneliness and depression. Which not so many people know or even realizing how bad I am cooping with this since 2016. Yes, 2016 probably the worst year for me. Dealing with confusion, heartache and also the emptiness. Often, friends viewed me as  a person who full of wisdom. But little that they know how I was torn inside and keep thinking about death. Yes, I’m talking about some mental issues that I’ve been facing since early 2016.

Although having someone dearly to you couldn’t save you from being lonely. Unknowingly feel sad is something that you cannot understand. You have no idea where is the source. You just get sad and lonely. So, I get it when people who couldn’t coop with loneliness trying to fill themselves with other human being. Some of them choose to get married quickly, some of them choose to have kids right after marriage, some of them may just changing partners frequently. I have nothing against any of their decision of life nor to be judgemental of it. Some people have their own way to complete themselves. I was trying too. But later I realize, having a dearly partner will not necessarily complete you. Human being is just another human being.

There is one quotes i found during in a book saying that, “Kalau mengharap pada manusia akan sentiasa kecewa” (Or in english, Relying to human being will always disappoint you ) and Prof Muhaya in her talks keep saying that, “yang pegang hati manusia hanyalah Tuhan”. I think deeply of this two powerful statement because experiencing one is one thing, and realizing the later need some practice. Over the years, I met tons of wonderful people, that add value to my life. I grew my feelings on each of them. and because I am so bad with words so I show appreciation towards my action. Somehow, its tragic when some of them start to views my kindness differently.  But its ok. I am ok, my focus is to just be nice and kind.

But, somehow it get really lonely when the dark thoughts strike you. It come across without giving any signals. Some times at night, I couldn’t fight back. All my sleeps is disturbed by a circulating mind. I drown into a sleeping pill just to get a deep good sleep. little that people know, even someone very dearly cannot keep me calm during those night. I keep pushing them away, hoping that I could control my self. but I lost, my strength is very limited. most of the time I lost. I even imagine of my death during driving, or even typing something in the office. It’s unexplained.

Yes, I do get some help. I went to therapist, counselling class.  But it was remembering Allah helps me a lot. Because you just have to put all your thoughts and emptiness in the Creators hand’s. You threw all the sadness in a prayers. Somehow, it took me an hour to just sit still after prayers, unconscious of what i want but hoping and praying to Him all the time.  It takes a while for me to recover or getting back on track. The consistency of asking God is a continuous effort. Asking His help is the only way to see the light. yeah, human beings know this but little that actually practising. Its only when you practices and experienced the beauty, then you see. Cooping with loneliness isn’t easy. If you find your way, be thankful about it cause million of people out there rather to choose suicide that dealing with those feelings.  I know, and I understand.  I choose to understand.

Yang pegang hati manusia hanyalah Allah. 

Only if you believe this, and you do this in a proper way, you will see the lights. Every sadness, loneliness and emptiness, I will only talk to The Almighty. He is the one who can help.

He surely help when I found peace in paintings. I am still figuring things out, changing certain way of thinking, still cooping and comprehending with this, cause it takes years to be completely free from unknowingly sadness. The good thing is I don’t rely on sleeping pills to sleep anymore (at least not so frequent). I don’t rely on my friends to keep me company all the time. I try to do things on my own and be actually ok with it. i read some important books just to keep my spirit high. I will continuously appreciate people even they are not worth it. As long I know where my self worth stands, I know Allah will always be there for me.

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Posted on: April 13, 2017


I really want to understand and put myself into those friends obsession towards their first born. Yeah, having no kids is stressful for those who are waiting and wishing (To have one), however , I wish they would just be  little bit sensitive towards these people who have yet to become a parent.

Being a first time parents make up a little bit more selfish. And we need to admit it. Although a simple things (that we think) is just a usual basis, could lead us to this arrogant and putting self interest a little bit much than we thought.

We, as a human being ALWAYS think, life revolved only for us and ourself. Honestly, Social media is not an helping tool. Its more towards self-destructed. I started to realise how negative social media makes me few years ago which lead to my decision to delete my Twitter. I do deactivated my Facebook for almost a year in 2015 because I cannot handle it at all. I’m clearing my mind and soul and try to see things beyond social media. Even now, I really tried my best to control each of my post so that it doesn’t sound too arrogant, or misleading information.. I promised my self not to share much on my personal life. Hopefully God protect me on this.

People sharing stuff without even think twice. It really gives a negative vibes to my everyday’s life.

However, I have no problem with friends who uploaded their kids journey once in while. Many of my bff does that in a while and I think it’s super cute. They know their limits. (Kudos to my BFF).  But those friends who uploaded every time and second, seriously need to evaluate themselves. People get annoying and you need to accept it. Ironically, when I try to speak up, these friends often being so dramatic & defensive. I just realise then, the easy way for me to handle is to just click ‘unfollow’ button or remove them from my life.. I have absolutely no problem if they do the same to me.

Do not keep things which not gives benefits to you.

As we grow old, a healthy mind is VERY important. In my defence, I apologies to all my friends if  this post hurt their feeling. Please note that I have tried my best to put myself into your shoes, I hope you do the same thing too.

complaining

Posted on: March 23, 2017


I have plenty of things to complaint about people. especially those from my workplace. But then every time i wanted to think bad about them, i started to realise that I am obviously not perfect at all to even start complaining. Yes, workplace giving huge negative vibes to me lately. I don’t find fun at the environment but I do know that they are also didn’t find me fun at all. But it’s ok.. Cause your uniqueness and values, its precious  hence let those who knows, embrace it. Who doesn’t does not matter.

I was just wanted to do my work, in silence and let the succeeds speak on its own.

Less people, less problem. 🙂

Statement

Posted on: March 21, 2017


Ironically in this world, people who respond to some statement in a negative way, is always those whom with low knowledge or IQ. Despite being irritated with them, I decided to just laughing out loud in my heart on how stupid they are, with no face expression..

 

Soalan.

Posted on: April 16, 2016


I always wonder, sampai bila kita nak cabar mencabar each other ek?

:)

Posted on: July 31, 2015


It is always true that when your heart is attach to the dunia, you felt rather unhappy or having a heavy heart. I think I began to understand life when I am completely letting go of everything that brings me to negativity. Negative people, negative thoughts, negative environment. Leaving all those negative people are my biggest accomplishment so far.

Less people, less problem.

It is true. So when I started to read some motivational books like ‘The monk who sold His Ferrari’, ‘The Art of Thinking’ etc, i began to understand that life is not that complex and complicated. You just have to be rational. Right now, I am began to be selfish for my own sake. I never want to tolerate with Bad people, unhappy thoughts, dealing with past as it is just some shit that you won’t be dealing with anymore.

I never felt happier when I put ME in every situation. I am very happy that I let GOD in most of my time, and I don’t think much of others. What God think matter the most. I couldn’t care less now as I will be rational to them and it is up to them to accept the fact. I never question their behaviour or what as it would be the last thing to think off.  But i do accept criticism and take is as self development and growing. Keeping my circle small is healthy and encouraging as I will never deal with bullshit and drama anymore.

now that having somebody to rely on, are the best of all.

Journey.

Posted on: February 4, 2015


I am now at the point where I began to worry whether to take Phd or to gamble with life for a year.

I just finish my Masters and I still can’t see the light of my career.

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Travelogue 2014

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  • Kinabalu - 24-29 Oct 2012
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