Rasyiqah Hassan


Feeling anxious, nerves and many more. Once I thought January will all be good start of the year but I was being bombarded by an unexpected news about someone.

It left me in a total confusing state and major disappointment. I know, it might be the answers that I am looking for, but the violation of trust and the feeling of betrayal I just can’t seems to shake.

And still, after knowing the whole fact, I am still feeling anxious about the whole thing. How can I trust someone that easy? The answer is always because I am known to be the kindness of all. The answer is always because I always choose to understand..

But really, is the trust is really there at the first place? I am not at fault at all in this case. Perhaps the glossy image of that somebody is blocking all the bad traits and negative impact on me. Put aside those thing and starts being real.

I am not at fault. No response IS a response. and maybe this time, no closure needed. Enough to know that moving forward is the best thing you could ever do now. The road is difficult, I’ll get anxious maybe up to next year but now, I need to do this for me.

Ireland

Posted on: January 16, 2019


Just a little bit of a throwback where I was at the edge of a Cliff of Moher, facing the Atlantic Ocean thinking of how wonderful my 30th Birthday is gonna be. 🥰 💐😘


My travel plan this year is kinda crazy. It started with unplanned ticket to Hong Kong, (which I am trying to convince all my besties to go HK since 2015 but all of them is rejecting my idea but all of sudden they pull me into the plan like ok fine). I am planning to celebrate my birthday massively this year, so I have been patiently waiting for the return ticket to drop to RM2400 during Christmas and pufff, it went to that price and it’s emirates baby! So the next thing I know is just a click of NEXT NEXT AND NEXT.. Muahahaha. Try not to make a big fuss about it, I am excited but very much nervous. Hope that everything went well to the date!

oh yeah, also the Eastern Europe travelling gives me headache too. Beside lack of money, I do not know how I’m going to do it. So let just redah!

 

This year, is crazy!

Wolf

Posted on: November 6, 2017


Hello.

I am not being able to write much cause I’ve been cooping with extra workload for the past few month. Working Life is taking my head and spirit. But after all, Alhamdulillah to all the rezeki of having something to work on cause I realized how fortunate I am compared to thousand of human beings out there who may still be looking for a perfect job. I wish you all well and inshaAllah all went well.

I was having some difficulties dealing with my own self and thoughts since early of this year. and I want to share something about loneliness and depression. Which not so many people know or even realizing how bad I am cooping with this since 2016. Yes, 2016 probably the worst year for me. Dealing with confusion, heartache and also the emptiness. Often, friends viewed me as  a person who full of wisdom. But little that they know how I was torn inside and keep thinking about death. Yes, I’m talking about some mental issues that I’ve been facing since early 2016.

Although having someone dearly to you couldn’t save you from being lonely. Unknowingly feel sad is something that you cannot understand. You have no idea where is the source. You just get sad and lonely. So, I get it when people who couldn’t coop with loneliness trying to fill themselves with other human being. Some of them choose to get married quickly, some of them choose to have kids right after marriage, some of them may just changing partners frequently. I have nothing against any of their decision of life nor to be judgemental of it. Some people have their own way to complete themselves. I was trying too. But later I realize, having a dearly partner will not necessarily complete you. Human being is just another human being.

There is one quotes i found during in a book saying that, “Kalau mengharap pada manusia akan sentiasa kecewa” (Or in english, Relying to human being will always disappoint you ) and Prof Muhaya in her talks keep saying that, “yang pegang hati manusia hanyalah Tuhan”. I think deeply of this two powerful statement because experiencing one is one thing, and realizing the later need some practice. Over the years, I met tons of wonderful people, that add value to my life. I grew my feelings on each of them. and because I am so bad with words so I show appreciation towards my action. Somehow, its tragic when some of them start to views my kindness differently.  But its ok. I am ok, my focus is to just be nice and kind.

But, somehow it get really lonely when the dark thoughts strike you. It come across without giving any signals. Some times at night, I couldn’t fight back. All my sleeps is disturbed by a circulating mind. I drown into a sleeping pill just to get a deep good sleep. little that people know, even someone very dearly cannot keep me calm during those night. I keep pushing them away, hoping that I could control my self. but I lost, my strength is very limited. most of the time I lost. I even imagine of my death during driving, or even typing something in the office. It’s unexplained.

Yes, I do get some help. I went to therapist, counselling class.  But it was remembering Allah helps me a lot. Because you just have to put all your thoughts and emptiness in the Creators hand’s. You threw all the sadness in a prayers. Somehow, it took me an hour to just sit still after prayers, unconscious of what i want but hoping and praying to Him all the time.  It takes a while for me to recover or getting back on track. The consistency of asking God is a continuous effort. Asking His help is the only way to see the light. yeah, human beings know this but little that actually practising. Its only when you practices and experienced the beauty, then you see. Cooping with loneliness isn’t easy. If you find your way, be thankful about it cause million of people out there rather to choose suicide that dealing with those feelings.  I know, and I understand.  I choose to understand.

Yang pegang hati manusia hanyalah Allah. 

Only if you believe this, and you do this in a proper way, you will see the lights. Every sadness, loneliness and emptiness, I will only talk to The Almighty. He is the one who can help.

He surely help when I found peace in paintings. I am still figuring things out, changing certain way of thinking, still cooping and comprehending with this, cause it takes years to be completely free from unknowingly sadness. The good thing is I don’t rely on sleeping pills to sleep anymore (at least not so frequent). I don’t rely on my friends to keep me company all the time. I try to do things on my own and be actually ok with it. i read some important books just to keep my spirit high. I will continuously appreciate people even they are not worth it. As long I know where my self worth stands, I know Allah will always be there for me.

Confuse

Posted on: October 4, 2017


I’m in the midst to figuring things out which is the best for me and what should I do next.

Life a little bit stagnant this year. I need something huge.


A gentel reminder to you that sometimes in life, your friend can be more successful than you, richer than you, having a very good life compared to yours. There is one moment you may think that you have nothing in particular.. you achieve nothing in a year and you receive nothing for everything that you do, or you are silently loving someone from a far and knowing that person may not like you at all.  But please remember that everytime you think yoursef as a very small person compared to your friend, remember that you didn’t try your best enough to make yoursef look better, do better and try harder. You don’t put all your heart out to improve yourself. You need to stop day dreaming and put reality and be rational. Be kind to your mom and nephew/nieces. Read Quran everyday hoping that Allah will soften your   hearts to all things that lead to anger. Be generous to your parents and society. Do a lot of charity and start thinking and seeing good in people happiness. Till you do that than you will achieve greatness. Remember that there is someone out there who’s completely crazy and wanting to be with you every minute and everyday. Remember that everyday he is praying for you,hoping that you get everything that you want. You know very well that he will be there for you everytime you need him to. Lead your mind to positivity and let God help you. Not anyone else. 

❤️


Some people, please grow up. Stop acting like a kid. You’re not even cute to begin with 😏

+ she says +


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Travelogue 2018

  • Singapore - 19-21 October
  • Hong Kong - 8-13 November
  • Prague, Vienna & Dubai - 15- 24 November
  • Dublin & Belfast - 14-20 December
  • London - 20-28 December
  • Travelogue 2017

  • Singapore - September 2017
  • Travelogue 2016

  • Thailand for Bridal's Party Mania - October 2016
  • Har Bin and Shang Hai - December 2016
  • Travelogue 2015

  • EUROPE Trip :) - 27 September - 5th October
  • Travelogue 2014

  • Cambodia
  • Vietnam
  • Singapore (USS).
  • Bangkok
  • Kinabalu - 24-29 Oct 2012
  • Krabi - 22th - 25th January 2014
  • Japan (Tokyo) - 25th March - 4th April 2014
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