Rasyiqah Hassan

Archive for the ‘mine&only’ Category

Wolf

Posted on: November 6, 2017


Hello.

I am not being able to write much cause I’ve been cooping with extra workload for the past few month. Working Life is taking my head and spirit. But after all, Alhamdulillah to all the rezeki of having something to work on cause I realized how fortunate I am compared to thousand of human beings out there who may still be looking for a perfect job. I wish you all well and inshaAllah all went well.

I was having some difficulties dealing with my own self and thoughts since early of this year. and I want to share something about loneliness and depression. Which not so many people know or even realizing how bad I am cooping with this since 2016. Yes, 2016 probably the worst year for me. Dealing with confusion, heartache and also the emptiness. Often, friends viewed me as  a person who full of wisdom. But little that they know how I was torn inside and keep thinking about death. Yes, I’m talking about some mental issues that I’ve been facing since early 2016.

Although having someone dearly to you couldn’t save you from being lonely. Unknowingly feel sad is something that you cannot understand. You have no idea where is the source. You just get sad and lonely. So, I get it when people who couldn’t coop with loneliness trying to fill themselves with other human being. Some of them choose to get married quickly, some of them choose to have kids right after marriage, some of them may just changing partners frequently. I have nothing against any of their decision of life nor to be judgemental of it. Some people have their own way to complete themselves. I was trying too. But later I realize, having a dearly partner will not necessarily complete you. Human being is just another human being.

There is one quotes i found during in a book saying that, “Kalau mengharap pada manusia akan sentiasa kecewa” (Or in english, Relying to human being will always disappoint you ) and Prof Muhaya in her talks keep saying that, “yang pegang hati manusia hanyalah Tuhan”. I think deeply of this two powerful statement because experiencing one is one thing, and realizing the later need some practice. Over the years, I met tons of wonderful people, that add value to my life. I grew my feelings on each of them. and because I am so bad with words so I show appreciation towards my action. Somehow, its tragic when some of them start to views my kindness differently.  But its ok. I am ok, my focus is to just be nice and kind.

But, somehow it get really lonely when the dark thoughts strike you. It come across without giving any signals. Some times at night, I couldn’t fight back. All my sleeps is disturbed by a circulating mind. I drown into a sleeping pill just to get a deep good sleep. little that people know, even someone very dearly cannot keep me calm during those night. I keep pushing them away, hoping that I could control my self. but I lost, my strength is very limited. most of the time I lost. I even imagine of my death during driving, or even typing something in the office. It’s unexplained.

Yes, I do get some help. I went to therapist, counselling class.  But it was remembering Allah helps me a lot. Because you just have to put all your thoughts and emptiness in the Creators hand’s. You threw all the sadness in a prayers. Somehow, it took me an hour to just sit still after prayers, unconscious of what i want but hoping and praying to Him all the time.  It takes a while for me to recover or getting back on track. The consistency of asking God is a continuous effort. Asking His help is the only way to see the light. yeah, human beings know this but little that actually practising. Its only when you practices and experienced the beauty, then you see. Cooping with loneliness isn’t easy. If you find your way, be thankful about it cause million of people out there rather to choose suicide that dealing with those feelings.  I know, and I understand.  I choose to understand.

Yang pegang hati manusia hanyalah Allah. 

Only if you believe this, and you do this in a proper way, you will see the lights. Every sadness, loneliness and emptiness, I will only talk to The Almighty. He is the one who can help.

He surely help when I found peace in paintings. I am still figuring things out, changing certain way of thinking, still cooping and comprehending with this, cause it takes years to be completely free from unknowingly sadness. The good thing is I don’t rely on sleeping pills to sleep anymore (at least not so frequent). I don’t rely on my friends to keep me company all the time. I try to do things on my own and be actually ok with it. i read some important books just to keep my spirit high. I will continuously appreciate people even they are not worth it. As long I know where my self worth stands, I know Allah will always be there for me.

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Confuse

Posted on: October 4, 2017


I’m in the midst to figuring things out which is the best for me and what should I do next.

Life a little bit stagnant this year. I need something huge.


A gentel reminder to you that sometimes in life, your friend can be more successful than you, richer than you, having a very good life compared to yours. There is one moment you may think that you have nothing in particular.. you achieve nothing in a year and you receive nothing for everything that you do, or you are silently loving someone from a far and knowing that person may not like you at all.  But please remember that everytime you think yoursef as a very small person compared to your friend, remember that you didn’t try your best enough to make yoursef look better, do better and try harder. You don’t put all your heart out to improve yourself. You need to stop day dreaming and put reality and be rational. Be kind to your mom and nephew/nieces. Read Quran everyday hoping that Allah will soften your   hearts to all things that lead to anger. Be generous to your parents and society. Do a lot of charity and start thinking and seeing good in people happiness. Till you do that than you will achieve greatness. Remember that there is someone out there who’s completely crazy and wanting to be with you every minute and everyday. Remember that everyday he is praying for you,hoping that you get everything that you want. You know very well that he will be there for you everytime you need him to. Lead your mind to positivity and let God help you. Not anyone else. 

❤️


Some people, please grow up. Stop acting like a kid. You’re not even cute to begin with 😏


H is sending me pictures from Edinburgh and of course, I’m totally over the moon. He said he does not really have a good spring, since 80% of his life is in the laboratory. He told me that sometimes, he doesn’t even feel the sun but he can’t regret about it. Its the life that he chose to be, and then thanking God that half part of it already involving me.

ONE MONTH + TO GO BABY!!!!! ❤

 

Unfollow

Posted on: April 13, 2017


I really want to understand and put myself into those friends obsession towards their first born. Yeah, having no kids is stressful for those who are waiting and wishing (To have one), however , I wish they would just be  little bit sensitive towards these people who have yet to become a parent.

Being a first time parents make up a little bit more selfish. And we need to admit it. Although a simple things (that we think) is just a usual basis, could lead us to this arrogant and putting self interest a little bit much than we thought.

We, as a human being ALWAYS think, life revolved only for us and ourself. Honestly, Social media is not an helping tool. Its more towards self-destructed. I started to realise how negative social media makes me few years ago which lead to my decision to delete my Twitter. I do deactivated my Facebook for almost a year in 2015 because I cannot handle it at all. I’m clearing my mind and soul and try to see things beyond social media. Even now, I really tried my best to control each of my post so that it doesn’t sound too arrogant, or misleading information.. I promised my self not to share much on my personal life. Hopefully God protect me on this.

People sharing stuff without even think twice. It really gives a negative vibes to my everyday’s life.

However, I have no problem with friends who uploaded their kids journey once in while. Many of my bff does that in a while and I think it’s super cute. They know their limits. (Kudos to my BFF).  But those friends who uploaded every time and second, seriously need to evaluate themselves. People get annoying and you need to accept it. Ironically, when I try to speak up, these friends often being so dramatic & defensive. I just realise then, the easy way for me to handle is to just click ‘unfollow’ button or remove them from my life.. I have absolutely no problem if they do the same to me.

Do not keep things which not gives benefits to you.

As we grow old, a healthy mind is VERY important. In my defence, I apologies to all my friends if  this post hurt their feeling. Please note that I have tried my best to put myself into your shoes, I hope you do the same thing too.


Rumours travel faster than wind.

Only the brighter’s of all choose to seek the truth,

between the line and the sound.


+ she says +


Currently in Edin <3 :)

Current Location

1-202-555-1212
Lunch: 11am - 2pm
Fri-Sat: 8am - 4pm

WishList

  1. Buy a home before reaching 32 y/o
  2. Travel Alone
  3. Find a soulmate
  4. Ask a stranger for a date

Travelogue 2014

  • Cambodia
  • Vietnam
  • Singapore (USS).
  • Bangkok
  • Kinabalu - 24-29 Oct 2012
  • Krabi - 22th - 25th January 2014
  • Japan (Tokyo) - 25th March - 4th April 2014
  • Mabul- Sabah -
  • Travelogue 2015

  • EUROPE Trip :) - 27 September - 5th October
  • Travelogue 2016

  • Thailand for Bridal's Party Mania - October 2016
  • Har Bin and Shang Hai - December 2016
  • Travelogue 2017

  • Singapore - September 2017
  • Hong Kong - December
  • Birthday

    My BirthdayDecember 24th, 2016
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